Reflections: Knowing The Unknown

In life there is no guide, no teacher, no one to hold your hand and make you see the truth. 

No one to show you the path … besides yourself. 

That evening while sitting with my soul mate – my Darjeeling Tea - I discovered ‘myself’ to a large extent.

I was living in the past and giving my energies to those thoughts which are dead.

I realised that it’s important for us to distinguish who we were from who we are. 

So I deep-dived into what would make me angry or hurt vs what would make me happy or joyful. 

It hit me that the burdens of yesterday have no value.

In the ”doing” of life , the ”being” in me got forgotten.

I had a lot of anger when things didn’t go according to plan. Surely, ‘accommodating’ isn’t the first word that springs to mind. 

I had a lot of fear. 

Fear in the name of security. Which only ever held me back from doing the things that I really wanted. 

I was often jealous. 

Jealous of the simple things, even. 

Like when others enjoyed popcorn and a movie, while I slogged it out behind some dimly-lit desk at work.

I was possessive about my first love in college. 

So much so that even the slightest hint at flirting, made my tempers flare. 

There have always been two voices in my head. 

An identity crisis of sorts. 

Two me’s living in this body. 

Neither of whom knew each other. 

Whatever I didn’t enjoy stemmed from fear. I had to delete all those feelings and thoughts.

But then, I thought about the other side of ME at work. 

Where I spent most of my time.

It was a radical shift in persona.

I was passionately compassionate to the people around me.

I was perpetually patient when it came to listening to others.

And best of all, I was never jealous of anyone else’s success! 

I was generous in giving time, gifts,and even advice.

Receiving recognition or rewards was always secondary to me. Not that I didn’t get any. 

I had a taste of good things in life and, with my work ethic, I got them too. 

Most importantly, I was content. Especially working alongside women. 

The whole experience was therapeutic for me.

Helping people gave me a certain peace like no other.  

A wise man, who I call Master Monk, once said it is coming from the struggle during my childhood years. And who am I, to argue with Master Monk. 

One thing was clear that evening. 

Life, much like the universe, moves in contrasts.

We all have them. It’s really just a matter of connecting the dots. And seeing which ones fit into who you are, as a person.

These two sides to ourselves are joined together. You could say, they are glued together. 

And once we remove it, we are one with ourselves.

Look where you have never seen before.

Go where you never went before.

Love whom you never did before.

And that is you, yourself.