Reflections - Fear to Faith

Some of you may be wondering why I’m sharing my journey with you.  

Valid question, I say.  

How can my life be of any interest to anyone else? Everyone has their own share of problems, belief systems, and issues to tackle at every level. 

It is only when I started to see life from my experiences and relationships, that I realised I was always guided and protected. Every step bringing me closer to the truth of life.  

 It showed me how fragile human faith can be!  

 How limiting our limitations can be! How disconnected we are from our own fabric! We may pray but we don’t have surrendering faith.  

Like many of you, I have also read many books on life, philosophies and teachings by many accomplished people. We don’t resonate with everything we hear or read, till we live it. 

At least, that’s how it was for me.  

So that evening with my soulmate i.e my Darjeeling Tea, I analysed my show reel so far. 

It had FEAR, WANTS, INSECURITY, ANGER, HURT, PAIN, UNFORGIVENESS and EGO.  

I searched for answers everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Astrologers, numerologists, spiritual gurus. You name it.  

 All that, to find what exactly? To connect with what?  

They were all taking me to myself. 

Finally, the answers were found through my own experiences in life.  

My reflections that evening showed me that I was on my learning path of spirituality from a very young age. 

They taught me that:  

1.  It’s important to detach from that which we love most (people, house, work, bank balance) 

2. No Relationship is permanent. (family, friends, colleagues, also all materialistic things) 

3. Do your 9-5 job and get out- don’t cling”(a healthy detachment to your job) 

  

Today I know that I have lived in fear for most of my life. And I was blind to the other side of it…. Which is faith. 

In essence, there were two realities.  
One never existed, and the other was hidden from me.  

Fear is deep seated in your memories. 

And a lot of work has to be done to pull us out of this metaphorical swamp. It plays in our subconscious mind and we don’t even know it until we pay attention to the minute happenings of our lives.  

The feeling of lack, created the fear and hence, all my actions were to protect, keep, hoard. I was unmoored, unrooted, and disconnected from the truth. From my faith. In myself and in the universe.  

I realised that I had this middle-class mentality of building a house for post-retirement benefits, the underlying feeling was fear. 

I would also pray to Ma Durga every day, for the well-being of my family. Again, the underlying feeling being, once again, fear.  

By worrying about my future, I never lived in the present.  

And anything that is rooted in fear, never lasts forever.  

That evening, my ‘aha’ moment went a little bit like this.   

“Oh my god... Every time I needed help, especially in my weakest moments, there appeared an invisible force that picked me up, held my hand and lifted me to new heights.” 

Without really looking, I even found the right jobs at the right time! Can you believe it? I, Mita Chaudhury, have never had to apply for a job! How cool is that? 

I call it the divine play!  

That day, I heard it. A voice. From within, from above, from God-knows-where. But the voice assured me, that I need not worry.   

I was looked after then; I will be looked after now too. 

This realization shook me to the bones.  

With a little help from author extraordinaire, Alan Cohen, I learnt that in life there are only two sources from where all our thoughts rule. It’s either FEAR or LOVE.  

I believe this to be true… I resonated with this because I lived it. 

For any kind of growth, fear and faith cannot be together. 

What are we fearful about? The future?  

The future is something that does not exist yet.  

You see, I found that fear was an Illusion.  

And only when we look past it, do we find the truth of life.