Taking Charge

What is happening in my life is perhaps not uncommon, but what we are feeling or how we are reading this whole thing is perhaps different to each of us. We love outsourcing ourselves, and that too so easily. At least in my generation.

When we are kids, our parents decide our subjects, our careers and sometimes even our marriage etc.

They become our guide and anchors, almost purely on the basis of their experience and age.

Most of our lives we have felt great, lighter even, when we blame someone else for what is happening in our lives. All our tough times, hateful times, broken times, we blame it on someone else. We don’t even spare our own DIVINE!

So that evening me and my Soul Mate – my Darjeeling Tea, we were remembering how I had outsourced my Happiness and Joy. In both, my personal and professional life.

At home with my family, I was always trying to make as many people happy because that’s where my happiness used to lie. So I would stretch my limits and adjust myself to their expectations. Whether I came home after a long flight or a late night from work, if they would like to go out I would never say no.

Things weren’t too different at work either.This ‘yes man’ strategy I had used had stretched me thing. Worse, it gave me the occasional stress-induced migraine attacks. I was looking at everlasting happiness or joy that cannot be destroyed!

What was I thinking?

The thought that evening was if I did not take any responsibility for the stress or unhappiness or lack of love or understanding or lack of wealth etc, then I must not take credit for all that I got in life too… .

We as human beings feel light when we are not blaming ourselves for anything. It is very therapeutic to outsource our feelings … but all we’re doing, as a result, is protecting ourselves. 

It reminds me of a story about a gambler who buys the lottery every month and one day when he wins, his happiness is very momentary. Eventually, he is miserable and goes back to playing blame games with his life, destiny and birth etc.

Once I realised this, my next step was to forgive all those people whom I blamed. Those that I made non-important in my path of happiness. I tried to shift once again from a “Prosperity of Lack “ to a “Prosperity of Enough”. 

The enough-ness is the key lesson here. 

I learnt that my happiness or joy does not or should not be in relation to others. 

Making myself responsible, accountable for everything was my new game.That’s how one learns to love themselves. 

In all this I learnt to say no, when I needed to. 

Nowadays, I blame a lot less. And I love a lot more. 

When I connected with my inner voice, I became joyful.

When I surrendered my thoughts to my Divine, I started seeing the wheel of sunshine move towards me. 

I don’t just look at the frame anymore I see the whole picture.

If my frequency was a radio-station, it would easily be my favorite. 

Now, I’m taking charge of my joys. My happiness. And my love in life.

Marriage: The Divine Masterstroke.

Firstly, I don’t believe in something called a “perfect marriage” because, as I have stated previously, relationships are like business.

Today’s epiphany is about marriage, a power house of life learnings under one roof.

Marriages are made in Heaven! Really? What was GOD thinking! Revenge to knock something into our senses, I guess? 

So that evening me and my soul mate – Darjeeling Tea - figured it out. We figured out why this institution is so important to mankind.

Let’s start with the classic Indian fairy tale. A story that is as Indian as eating rajma-chawal with your hands when cutleries are readily available. Parents imposing marital pressure on their daughter once she turns 22… What an instantly-relatable tale. 

A hurry that is so not justified.  

Here, I was not wanting to get married at all. I had thought I would take care of my mother and brothers and enjoy my job; maybe have a few boyfriends along the way, that’s all.

But no! Society made me think I was going against nature. So in comes my spouse to be; his perseverance got the better of me. Now that I am a bit aware of how the universe or spiritual world works, I suppose it was meant to be. 

Marriage, I realise, teaches you all the lessons that lead you to spirituality, here in my case it has.

It teaches you that having expectations, desires, and even love, will always, at some point, hurt you. 

“Acceptance” of the person as they are will bring you a life of harmony and some much needed peace of mind. 

How easy is that? Not at all easy.

 

We were operating at two different frequencies… 

Now, I understand why we were destined to live in this web. The short answer is: to adjust. The slightly longer answer is: to accommodate and to accept. Isn’t it too much hard work to keep a relationship going? Honestly speaking, none of these virtues are my virtues. 

We had clashes, tempers would fly, along with household objects on the good days. And the best part of it was the aftermath. Oh the sulking. The never-ending sulking that follows. 

But where’s love in all this? Right? 

We are such contrasts, that no Astrologer would bless our union. 

Although, I’m confident we would make a great case study.

Then comes the children, yet another masterstroke by the Divine. How else can I explain this? As it is, me and my husband had many conflicts. Why not add some more masala to the mix.

Children bring the third dimension to my lessons of life Karma, Duty, Love etc. 

I grew in this relationship in many ways. I bloomed while being a mother. I think it was natural to me. 

I enjoyed this role the most besides, maybe being a daughter.

Imagine life as a HOUSE in which so many characters were living, with different lifepaths and understandings, some golden thread which sewed us together for some purpose. They drain us of our spontaneity, free-will etc. It’s a noisy orchestra. What is missing is HARMONY. 

Turns out, I was looking at it the wrong way round. Some of my greatest life lessons, actually came from my marriage. I learned to care, to expect less, to love freely, to grow in knowledge, and to be kind beyond what I thought was possible.

No one is perfect. That only goes to show, that everyone needs healing. 

None of the incidents are coincidences in life. Everyone is there to fill a gap in your narrative. They are the lessons we have to learn. I am still learning. 

Marriage taught me the biggest thing of all: selfless love. And lest we forget, self-love. 

You see, you can’t love others if you don’t Love yourself. I must give credit to him for tolerating my whims, my kids who have accepted my absence from home, and have loved me unconditionally.

Miracles happen in your relations when you just let things be… and you are connected with yourself, no power to anyone.

HAPPY HOMECOMING, guys

We are not Coincidents

Hey you. Yes, you.

You were meant to be here, now and in this place. 

By design

It’s a well-planned purpose.

Let me explain. 

You see, it is not a surprise that I was born at a certain date,

time and place.

I am not surprised to see how beautifully I am

designed: these eyes, this mouth, this heart, these hands, feet, fingers, right down to this lovely little beauty-mole on my chin! All these intricately designed features that help us exist. 

I am not a coincidence and it is not an accident that I’ve entered this family.

Nothing that I am, or that is happening with me or around me is a coincidence.

Whether we believe in Karma, or Destiny or Past Life or Stars etc… 

We are here with a fully-loaded plan and

it only opens up when the time is right. 

Just like it is said ”The teacher appears when the student is ready”

So that evening when I was with my Soul Mate – my Darjeeling Tea, I had this very revelation. 

Nothing, past, present, or future, in our lives can be shrugged off as mere coincidences. 

Everything was important for my road to soul development.

A road that led me to become a better person, as per the plan.

At every dead-end, I met new people who helped me find the next step.

Helped me to grow within and learn life lessons that remain dear to me even today.

Now that I look back,

I often chanced upon people, who might have been strangers at the time, 

But still somehow started me on my spiritual path.

I learnt that everyone in my life, 

Found a way to teach me or direct me to

something beautiful yet unknown to me at the time. 

That day, on my balcony, I could join the dots and

see the meaning of each and every one of those people in my life.

I want to thank them for being there.

Maybe you can take a second to thank them too. 

In hindsight, even the painful experiences at work, 

All the betrayals and such, taught me something.

Something I couldn’t value at the time, 

but time has shown me the light. 

In all that chaos and bitterness, I came out

strong and they were still stuck there. 

Even the bad experiences, 

It turns out, 

Aren’t coincidences.

They have shaped me in my thoughts, my action and in my

being. I thank them all. Good and bad. 

The sum of my experiences all lead in one direction; 

Towards the development of women. 

Making them financially independent.

Oh how the power of hindsight makes everything clearer. 

Maybe this was in the back of my head,

all these years,

because I could relate to my Mother’s helplessness in life … 

I could relate to all these women I was meeting in my job as a Direct Seller. 

I was helping them to be financially

Independent, the way I wished my mom could have been.

I would hate it if women were made

to feel be – littled by their own families, they are

insecure, they have to be in mercy of someone else, and they

didn’t have freedom to express themselves. 

I saw it clearly and boldly that this was not surely a COINCIDENCE. 

My work and my life path were coming together! How cool is that! 

I felt I was one with my inner voice which was hearing every rumbling of

my heart.

So everything around me was meaningful to my

growth…I just fell in love with me that evening ! It is a

promise made by my creator that I am here for a

greater purpose. So I start over again, new and

fresh.

I hope you are able to connect the dots like me.

I am rooting for you.

Reflections: Knowing The Unknown

In life there is no guide, no teacher, no one to hold your hand and make you see the truth. 

No one to show you the path … besides yourself. 

That evening while sitting with my soul mate – my Darjeeling Tea - I discovered ‘myself’ to a large extent.

I was living in the past and giving my energies to those thoughts which are dead.

I realised that it’s important for us to distinguish who we were from who we are. 

So I deep-dived into what would make me angry or hurt vs what would make me happy or joyful. 

It hit me that the burdens of yesterday have no value.

In the ”doing” of life , the ”being” in me got forgotten.

I had a lot of anger when things didn’t go according to plan. Surely, ‘accommodating’ isn’t the first word that springs to mind. 

I had a lot of fear. 

Fear in the name of security. Which only ever held me back from doing the things that I really wanted. 

I was often jealous. 

Jealous of the simple things, even. 

Like when others enjoyed popcorn and a movie, while I slogged it out behind some dimly-lit desk at work.

I was possessive about my first love in college. 

So much so that even the slightest hint at flirting, made my tempers flare. 

There have always been two voices in my head. 

An identity crisis of sorts. 

Two me’s living in this body. 

Neither of whom knew each other. 

Whatever I didn’t enjoy stemmed from fear. I had to delete all those feelings and thoughts.

But then, I thought about the other side of ME at work. 

Where I spent most of my time.

It was a radical shift in persona.

I was passionately compassionate to the people around me.

I was perpetually patient when it came to listening to others.

And best of all, I was never jealous of anyone else’s success! 

I was generous in giving time, gifts,and even advice.

Receiving recognition or rewards was always secondary to me. Not that I didn’t get any. 

I had a taste of good things in life and, with my work ethic, I got them too. 

Most importantly, I was content. Especially working alongside women. 

The whole experience was therapeutic for me.

Helping people gave me a certain peace like no other.  

A wise man, who I call Master Monk, once said it is coming from the struggle during my childhood years. And who am I, to argue with Master Monk. 

One thing was clear that evening. 

Life, much like the universe, moves in contrasts.

We all have them. It’s really just a matter of connecting the dots. And seeing which ones fit into who you are, as a person.

These two sides to ourselves are joined together. You could say, they are glued together. 

And once we remove it, we are one with ourselves.

Look where you have never seen before.

Go where you never went before.

Love whom you never did before.

And that is you, yourself.

Reflections - Fear to Faith

Some of you may be wondering why I’m sharing my journey with you.  

Valid question, I say.  

How can my life be of any interest to anyone else? Everyone has their own share of problems, belief systems, and issues to tackle at every level. 

It is only when I started to see life from my experiences and relationships, that I realised I was always guided and protected. Every step bringing me closer to the truth of life.  

 It showed me how fragile human faith can be!  

 How limiting our limitations can be! How disconnected we are from our own fabric! We may pray but we don’t have surrendering faith.  

Like many of you, I have also read many books on life, philosophies and teachings by many accomplished people. We don’t resonate with everything we hear or read, till we live it. 

At least, that’s how it was for me.  

So that evening with my soulmate i.e my Darjeeling Tea, I analysed my show reel so far. 

It had FEAR, WANTS, INSECURITY, ANGER, HURT, PAIN, UNFORGIVENESS and EGO.  

I searched for answers everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Astrologers, numerologists, spiritual gurus. You name it.  

 All that, to find what exactly? To connect with what?  

They were all taking me to myself. 

Finally, the answers were found through my own experiences in life.  

My reflections that evening showed me that I was on my learning path of spirituality from a very young age. 

They taught me that:  

1.  It’s important to detach from that which we love most (people, house, work, bank balance) 

2. No Relationship is permanent. (family, friends, colleagues, also all materialistic things) 

3. Do your 9-5 job and get out- don’t cling”(a healthy detachment to your job) 

  

Today I know that I have lived in fear for most of my life. And I was blind to the other side of it…. Which is faith. 

In essence, there were two realities.  
One never existed, and the other was hidden from me.  

Fear is deep seated in your memories. 

And a lot of work has to be done to pull us out of this metaphorical swamp. It plays in our subconscious mind and we don’t even know it until we pay attention to the minute happenings of our lives.  

The feeling of lack, created the fear and hence, all my actions were to protect, keep, hoard. I was unmoored, unrooted, and disconnected from the truth. From my faith. In myself and in the universe.  

I realised that I had this middle-class mentality of building a house for post-retirement benefits, the underlying feeling was fear. 

I would also pray to Ma Durga every day, for the well-being of my family. Again, the underlying feeling being, once again, fear.  

By worrying about my future, I never lived in the present.  

And anything that is rooted in fear, never lasts forever.  

That evening, my ‘aha’ moment went a little bit like this.   

“Oh my god... Every time I needed help, especially in my weakest moments, there appeared an invisible force that picked me up, held my hand and lifted me to new heights.” 

Without really looking, I even found the right jobs at the right time! Can you believe it? I, Mita Chaudhury, have never had to apply for a job! How cool is that? 

I call it the divine play!  

That day, I heard it. A voice. From within, from above, from God-knows-where. But the voice assured me, that I need not worry.   

I was looked after then; I will be looked after now too. 

This realization shook me to the bones.  

With a little help from author extraordinaire, Alan Cohen, I learnt that in life there are only two sources from where all our thoughts rule. It’s either FEAR or LOVE.  

I believe this to be true… I resonated with this because I lived it. 

For any kind of growth, fear and faith cannot be together. 

What are we fearful about? The future?  

The future is something that does not exist yet.  

You see, I found that fear was an Illusion.  

And only when we look past it, do we find the truth of life.  

  

REFLECTIONS: The Great Expectation

Honesty, despite great difficulty, can often bring about clarity. 

The clarity of the movie that is our lives.

Upon an honest reflection of my relationships, I realised that everything was based on some kind of an expectation. A great one, usually. 

A need, A greed, a want, some fulfilment or the other.

And being let down, hurt.

A lot. 

I think it starts when we’re babies. 

We would scream our lungs out for attention. 

And we expect a lot from our parents too. 

Not fulfilling our demands is falsely equated with bad parenting.

Then we move to our spouses, and we pretty much do the same thing.

And then our kids. 

And the cycle repeats itself.

That evening, when I was sipping my Darjeeling tea, I questioned my relationships. 

In my marriage, I wanted him to understand me without having to tell him. 

After all, ours was a love marriage. 

What was I expecting really? 

I realised, relationship is like business. 

As long as it serves our expectations we’re fine. The minute it doesn’t happen, our so called love goes out of the window.

Look around at every relationship we have: with our Friends, bosses, siblings. We’re always looking for security.

And insecurity can never be the bedrock of a secure relationship.

In fact, it’s this fear that holds you captive in a relationship. The fear of losing someone, the fear of being alone, the fear of the unfamiliar. 

But real love is when you don’t ask for anything in return. 

I learnt over the years, love cannot live in fear. 

So where is love?

Well, true love is all around us. 

The relationship we have with the Sun, the Rain, the trees… 

They give us joy forever. And ask for nothing in return, really.

Love should feel like freedom. 

Otherwise, let’s not call it love. 

From what I understand, love should be free. 

Where was I looking all these years?

Why did I need someone else to complete me?

True love should help you grow. 

Grow into the person you want to be. 

Grow into the person you were always meant to be. 

The Great Expectation is only with yourself and your Divinity. 

So feel loved, feel secured, feel happy and keep growing. 

Reflections: The Timeless Traveller

 

“IF YOU DO NOT GET IT FROM YOURSELF, WHERE WILL YOU GO FOR IT?“ – BUDDHA

Have you ever wondered, 

How you got here? 
What you are doing here? 

How did I land up with these people that I call family?
Why am I doing this job?
Why these incidents occur in my life?
Why do I get angry? 

Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure have.

But with the breakneck speed at which life moves, I spent most of my life living without introspection.
Perhaps, because there was little time for retrospection. 

My mind was preoccupied. 

Preoccupied with work,
kids, and family obligations etc.

Recently, however, I’ve had time to sit back and think. 

And I have to admit, it’s a khatta-meetha experience, sometimes hot & spicy too.

My life ran like a movie that evening.

Me with my large cup of Darjeeling Tea and rusk biscuits. 

I was sitting in my balcony and enjoying the view of the Aravalli range.

A perfect setting to an untold story of my life. 

It was a show-reel experience. 

I was surprised that I could relive my experiences up to the age of perhaps 5 or 6. 

Complete bliss, joyful state, with my family. And being the apple of my father’s eye, was a welcome bonus. 

I just felt free, fearless, and loved, and blessed ,and pampered. 

In simple words, I felt like a princess. 

Mother was a strictarian (that may not be a word but she made me feel like it was). 

And dad was the personification of love. 

And his love was shared with my soul-sister, Madhumati. 

Life changed in a jiffy when I lost him.

He was young,

but I was too young.

Life was never the same since. 

It felt as though, everything was slowly dismantling. 

Just falling apart. 

Mother was my pillar of strength, not sure if we were hers or not, but she did everything for us. 

Whether she knew it or not, she kept us together. 

I was angry with God, angry with my Dad and everything around. 

As a result, I became a recluse. 

I was the angriest at my mom. 

Because she continued to pray and believe in GOD. 

Life changed once I started to work and work and work…

And then work some more. 

There went 3 decades of my life.  

But my jobs became me. 

And my colleagues, especially the women, became my world. I wanted all of them to be successful. 

And at some point, I realised that I didn’t just do it because it was my job; I did it because that’s who I was. That’s who I became. 

I was surrounded by inspiring people but never once did I look at anyone as my GURU. 

I just stole little nuggets of wisdom along the way.

It is only in the last seven years on my journey of seeking,

That I realised a few things. 

I realized that some things in life are timeless.

Some people, some incidents, some experiences, don’t fade away with time. 

My father never faded, he still lives on in my life! 

What an impact he must have had on me! 

I still can feel him around me. 

A dear friend in my college days, also known as my first crush, lived in my mind for many years. 

I felt his gentleness and care for a long, long time.

My aunt has had a huge ideological impact on me. 

For the longest time, I wanted to be like her in every way. 

Her grace and personality were things I secretly idolised. 

So these are some of the people who have not left my consciousness. 

We will always find a few people who must have travelled timelessly with us and know us from lifetimes. 

I believe, we are timeless travellers, and nothing happens as a coincidence. 

My learning that evening, on my balcony overlooking the Aravali ranges, was that my father was, and still is, my spiritual friend. 

My mother, my aunt or all those who were in my life at a crucial stage, were my biggest teachers. 

My biggest supporters. 

There were times, I found myself to be the aggrieved party. 

I made myself the victim of situations.  

I didn’t trust the larger plan of my creator, which I was ignorant about. Perhaps that was my ego talking. 

I have travelled from abundance – to a lack of abundance – to abundance and now to a new beginning towards a light of faith and surrender. 

I realise that there is no life and death. 

Life is like a big circle, which has no beginnings or end. 

So we are all timeless travellers in our own way.

Some are soul mates, some are just fellow travellers.