Taking Charge

What is happening in my life is perhaps not uncommon, but what we are feeling or how we are reading this whole thing is perhaps different to each of us. We love outsourcing ourselves, and that too so easily. At least in my generation.

When we are kids, our parents decide our subjects, our careers and sometimes even our marriage etc.

They become our guide and anchors, almost purely on the basis of their experience and age.

Most of our lives we have felt great, lighter even, when we blame someone else for what is happening in our lives. All our tough times, hateful times, broken times, we blame it on someone else. We don’t even spare our own DIVINE!

So that evening me and my Soul Mate – my Darjeeling Tea, we were remembering how I had outsourced my Happiness and Joy. In both, my personal and professional life.

At home with my family, I was always trying to make as many people happy because that’s where my happiness used to lie. So I would stretch my limits and adjust myself to their expectations. Whether I came home after a long flight or a late night from work, if they would like to go out I would never say no.

Things weren’t too different at work either.This ‘yes man’ strategy I had used had stretched me thing. Worse, it gave me the occasional stress-induced migraine attacks. I was looking at everlasting happiness or joy that cannot be destroyed!

What was I thinking?

The thought that evening was if I did not take any responsibility for the stress or unhappiness or lack of love or understanding or lack of wealth etc, then I must not take credit for all that I got in life too… .

We as human beings feel light when we are not blaming ourselves for anything. It is very therapeutic to outsource our feelings … but all we’re doing, as a result, is protecting ourselves. 

It reminds me of a story about a gambler who buys the lottery every month and one day when he wins, his happiness is very momentary. Eventually, he is miserable and goes back to playing blame games with his life, destiny and birth etc.

Once I realised this, my next step was to forgive all those people whom I blamed. Those that I made non-important in my path of happiness. I tried to shift once again from a “Prosperity of Lack “ to a “Prosperity of Enough”. 

The enough-ness is the key lesson here. 

I learnt that my happiness or joy does not or should not be in relation to others. 

Making myself responsible, accountable for everything was my new game.That’s how one learns to love themselves. 

In all this I learnt to say no, when I needed to. 

Nowadays, I blame a lot less. And I love a lot more. 

When I connected with my inner voice, I became joyful.

When I surrendered my thoughts to my Divine, I started seeing the wheel of sunshine move towards me. 

I don’t just look at the frame anymore I see the whole picture.

If my frequency was a radio-station, it would easily be my favorite. 

Now, I’m taking charge of my joys. My happiness. And my love in life.

Marriage: The Divine Masterstroke.

Firstly, I don’t believe in something called a “perfect marriage” because, as I have stated previously, relationships are like business.

Today’s epiphany is about marriage, a power house of life learnings under one roof.

Marriages are made in Heaven! Really? What was GOD thinking! Revenge to knock something into our senses, I guess? 

So that evening me and my soul mate – Darjeeling Tea - figured it out. We figured out why this institution is so important to mankind.

Let’s start with the classic Indian fairy tale. A story that is as Indian as eating rajma-chawal with your hands when cutleries are readily available. Parents imposing marital pressure on their daughter once she turns 22… What an instantly-relatable tale. 

A hurry that is so not justified.  

Here, I was not wanting to get married at all. I had thought I would take care of my mother and brothers and enjoy my job; maybe have a few boyfriends along the way, that’s all.

But no! Society made me think I was going against nature. So in comes my spouse to be; his perseverance got the better of me. Now that I am a bit aware of how the universe or spiritual world works, I suppose it was meant to be. 

Marriage, I realise, teaches you all the lessons that lead you to spirituality, here in my case it has.

It teaches you that having expectations, desires, and even love, will always, at some point, hurt you. 

“Acceptance” of the person as they are will bring you a life of harmony and some much needed peace of mind. 

How easy is that? Not at all easy.

 

We were operating at two different frequencies… 

Now, I understand why we were destined to live in this web. The short answer is: to adjust. The slightly longer answer is: to accommodate and to accept. Isn’t it too much hard work to keep a relationship going? Honestly speaking, none of these virtues are my virtues. 

We had clashes, tempers would fly, along with household objects on the good days. And the best part of it was the aftermath. Oh the sulking. The never-ending sulking that follows. 

But where’s love in all this? Right? 

We are such contrasts, that no Astrologer would bless our union. 

Although, I’m confident we would make a great case study.

Then comes the children, yet another masterstroke by the Divine. How else can I explain this? As it is, me and my husband had many conflicts. Why not add some more masala to the mix.

Children bring the third dimension to my lessons of life Karma, Duty, Love etc. 

I grew in this relationship in many ways. I bloomed while being a mother. I think it was natural to me. 

I enjoyed this role the most besides, maybe being a daughter.

Imagine life as a HOUSE in which so many characters were living, with different lifepaths and understandings, some golden thread which sewed us together for some purpose. They drain us of our spontaneity, free-will etc. It’s a noisy orchestra. What is missing is HARMONY. 

Turns out, I was looking at it the wrong way round. Some of my greatest life lessons, actually came from my marriage. I learned to care, to expect less, to love freely, to grow in knowledge, and to be kind beyond what I thought was possible.

No one is perfect. That only goes to show, that everyone needs healing. 

None of the incidents are coincidences in life. Everyone is there to fill a gap in your narrative. They are the lessons we have to learn. I am still learning. 

Marriage taught me the biggest thing of all: selfless love. And lest we forget, self-love. 

You see, you can’t love others if you don’t Love yourself. I must give credit to him for tolerating my whims, my kids who have accepted my absence from home, and have loved me unconditionally.

Miracles happen in your relations when you just let things be… and you are connected with yourself, no power to anyone.

HAPPY HOMECOMING, guys

We are not Coincidents

Hey you. Yes, you.

You were meant to be here, now and in this place. 

By design

It’s a well-planned purpose.

Let me explain. 

You see, it is not a surprise that I was born at a certain date,

time and place.

I am not surprised to see how beautifully I am

designed: these eyes, this mouth, this heart, these hands, feet, fingers, right down to this lovely little beauty-mole on my chin! All these intricately designed features that help us exist. 

I am not a coincidence and it is not an accident that I’ve entered this family.

Nothing that I am, or that is happening with me or around me is a coincidence.

Whether we believe in Karma, or Destiny or Past Life or Stars etc… 

We are here with a fully-loaded plan and

it only opens up when the time is right. 

Just like it is said ”The teacher appears when the student is ready”

So that evening when I was with my Soul Mate – my Darjeeling Tea, I had this very revelation. 

Nothing, past, present, or future, in our lives can be shrugged off as mere coincidences. 

Everything was important for my road to soul development.

A road that led me to become a better person, as per the plan.

At every dead-end, I met new people who helped me find the next step.

Helped me to grow within and learn life lessons that remain dear to me even today.

Now that I look back,

I often chanced upon people, who might have been strangers at the time, 

But still somehow started me on my spiritual path.

I learnt that everyone in my life, 

Found a way to teach me or direct me to

something beautiful yet unknown to me at the time. 

That day, on my balcony, I could join the dots and

see the meaning of each and every one of those people in my life.

I want to thank them for being there.

Maybe you can take a second to thank them too. 

In hindsight, even the painful experiences at work, 

All the betrayals and such, taught me something.

Something I couldn’t value at the time, 

but time has shown me the light. 

In all that chaos and bitterness, I came out

strong and they were still stuck there. 

Even the bad experiences, 

It turns out, 

Aren’t coincidences.

They have shaped me in my thoughts, my action and in my

being. I thank them all. Good and bad. 

The sum of my experiences all lead in one direction; 

Towards the development of women. 

Making them financially independent.

Oh how the power of hindsight makes everything clearer. 

Maybe this was in the back of my head,

all these years,

because I could relate to my Mother’s helplessness in life … 

I could relate to all these women I was meeting in my job as a Direct Seller. 

I was helping them to be financially

Independent, the way I wished my mom could have been.

I would hate it if women were made

to feel be – littled by their own families, they are

insecure, they have to be in mercy of someone else, and they

didn’t have freedom to express themselves. 

I saw it clearly and boldly that this was not surely a COINCIDENCE. 

My work and my life path were coming together! How cool is that! 

I felt I was one with my inner voice which was hearing every rumbling of

my heart.

So everything around me was meaningful to my

growth…I just fell in love with me that evening ! It is a

promise made by my creator that I am here for a

greater purpose. So I start over again, new and

fresh.

I hope you are able to connect the dots like me.

I am rooting for you.