Reflections: The Timeless Traveller

 

“IF YOU DO NOT GET IT FROM YOURSELF, WHERE WILL YOU GO FOR IT?“ – BUDDHA

Have you ever wondered, 

How you got here? 
What you are doing here? 

How did I land up with these people that I call family?
Why am I doing this job?
Why these incidents occur in my life?
Why do I get angry? 

Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure have.

But with the breakneck speed at which life moves, I spent most of my life living without introspection.
Perhaps, because there was little time for retrospection. 

My mind was preoccupied. 

Preoccupied with work,
kids, and family obligations etc.

Recently, however, I’ve had time to sit back and think. 

And I have to admit, it’s a khatta-meetha experience, sometimes hot & spicy too.

My life ran like a movie that evening.

Me with my large cup of Darjeeling Tea and rusk biscuits. 

I was sitting in my balcony and enjoying the view of the Aravalli range.

A perfect setting to an untold story of my life. 

It was a show-reel experience. 

I was surprised that I could relive my experiences up to the age of perhaps 5 or 6. 

Complete bliss, joyful state, with my family. And being the apple of my father’s eye, was a welcome bonus. 

I just felt free, fearless, and loved, and blessed ,and pampered. 

In simple words, I felt like a princess. 

Mother was a strictarian (that may not be a word but she made me feel like it was). 

And dad was the personification of love. 

And his love was shared with my soul-sister, Madhumati. 

Life changed in a jiffy when I lost him.

He was young,

but I was too young.

Life was never the same since. 

It felt as though, everything was slowly dismantling. 

Just falling apart. 

Mother was my pillar of strength, not sure if we were hers or not, but she did everything for us. 

Whether she knew it or not, she kept us together. 

I was angry with God, angry with my Dad and everything around. 

As a result, I became a recluse. 

I was the angriest at my mom. 

Because she continued to pray and believe in GOD. 

Life changed once I started to work and work and work…

And then work some more. 

There went 3 decades of my life.  

But my jobs became me. 

And my colleagues, especially the women, became my world. I wanted all of them to be successful. 

And at some point, I realised that I didn’t just do it because it was my job; I did it because that’s who I was. That’s who I became. 

I was surrounded by inspiring people but never once did I look at anyone as my GURU. 

I just stole little nuggets of wisdom along the way.

It is only in the last seven years on my journey of seeking,

That I realised a few things. 

I realized that some things in life are timeless.

Some people, some incidents, some experiences, don’t fade away with time. 

My father never faded, he still lives on in my life! 

What an impact he must have had on me! 

I still can feel him around me. 

A dear friend in my college days, also known as my first crush, lived in my mind for many years. 

I felt his gentleness and care for a long, long time.

My aunt has had a huge ideological impact on me. 

For the longest time, I wanted to be like her in every way. 

Her grace and personality were things I secretly idolised. 

So these are some of the people who have not left my consciousness. 

We will always find a few people who must have travelled timelessly with us and know us from lifetimes. 

I believe, we are timeless travellers, and nothing happens as a coincidence. 

My learning that evening, on my balcony overlooking the Aravali ranges, was that my father was, and still is, my spiritual friend. 

My mother, my aunt or all those who were in my life at a crucial stage, were my biggest teachers. 

My biggest supporters. 

There were times, I found myself to be the aggrieved party. 

I made myself the victim of situations.  

I didn’t trust the larger plan of my creator, which I was ignorant about. Perhaps that was my ego talking. 

I have travelled from abundance – to a lack of abundance – to abundance and now to a new beginning towards a light of faith and surrender. 

I realise that there is no life and death. 

Life is like a big circle, which has no beginnings or end. 

So we are all timeless travellers in our own way.

Some are soul mates, some are just fellow travellers.